This is where 'everything else' goes.

Pharmaceutical Grudge Match

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , , — Wigi @ 7:17 pm March 27, 2009

There are two problems with having a cold. One is that you don’t feel like doing that much, except lying around and watching television. The other is that you lie around and watch television.

And since I am watching television, I must tell you, I am confused.

There’s a drug out there that men can take that men take to help them urinate. There is a drug out there that women take that prevents them from urinating.

Now I am not making light of the fact that there are real medical reasons why one might need one of those or the other… and that for those that suffer those conditions, those are real problems. But you have to admit, it is rather strange that there are two drugs whose primary purpose is to prevent what the other one does.

This is not a new area of interest for me. About twenty years ago I worked in radio, where I was the studio engineer – and this meant listening to a lot of late night talk radio programs, and inserting the commercials into the broadcasts. I always thought it was interesting that you would get ads for ozone generators and antioxidants in the same program. And when I was in grad school, my thesis advisor would regularly direct me to the dietary supplement aisle at the grocery store, where I might find just the right mood enhancer (guarana) that one might need to complete your thesis as quickly and effectively as possible. In my search for her supplement du jour, I came across two products, made by different manufacturers: Undo and Redo. I have no idea what they did, but I imagined that one was the antidote for the other.

As for those drugs that assist with urinary symptoms, I think we’re left with our imagination as to whether they would duke it out in a biochemical battle. First, women aren’t even supposed to handle the drug for men, much less take it. And honestly, I think most men are a bit too squeamish about how things function ‘down there’ to entertain themselves by taking them both and seeing which one wins.

What an ugly battle that would be.

In the Streets, the Children Screamed…

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , — Wigi @ 7:47 pm December 13, 2008

… But not about the day the music died.

It will start with yelling in the middle of the night. Middle-aged men cursing and throwing things. Bar owners and patrons disgusted, and choosing to go home early. People that otherwise sleep soundly will lie awake, staring at the ceiling.

For a while, things will calm down, but by sunrise the unsettled feeling will spread again. Children will cry. No amount of Lucky Charms will console them. People will be late for work, unable to gauge their morning routines. Business people will feel uninformed. Chaos will reign across America.

Two things are for sure: This day WILL come… and for most of us, it is avoidable.

I can’t wait for it to come. The sooner the better. In fact, every time I am reminded of it, I want to scream. I want the waiting to be over. One more reminder and it will be me screaming and throwing things.

The date: February 17, 2009.

That is the day that analog broadcast television ends, and all television will be digital. Conan O’Brien will be replaced with snow. No more Barney. No more Wiggles. No more Today Show. No more Regis and Kelly.

(OK, so ‘No More Barney’ is a good thing…)

Unless you get the box.

This doesn’t really affect me… at least not after February 17. I have digital cable, and yes, I have crappy analog televisions, but who cares? The cable box works the digital magic for me. But it affects me today, dammit!

What gets me about this is that about once an hour that infernal crawl comes on the screen reminding people about the conversion. It screws up the video quality of what I am watching, the audio often gets louder… it is very annoying.

I know.

I get it.

Get the damn digital box before February 17.

But here’s the thing. I am already watching cable. I don’t NEED the box.

Why are you reminding ME?

I am old enough to remember a world where there were still a few people that didn’t have televisions… they hadn’t taken that technological leap from radio – and in fact, more than a few radios still had tubes instead of transistors. My guess is, these are the same people that today do not have cable. I am not worried about them… considering the fact that most of the television-less people in 1965 were already 50 years old… so today they’re pushing 95. They already have cable. Or they have a guy that comes over and fixes things.

If you don’t have cable (or some sort of digital converter) today, and you’re reading this… Go out and get the damn box, call your television station, tell them thanks for the reminder, and they can now turn that damn crawl off.

I expect it to be gone by the time I get home from work.

The Next Logical Step…

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , — Wigi @ 9:35 pm October 7, 2008

Consider these scenarios:

It is Sunday afternoon. Too late for lunch, too early for dinner. You’ve just finished watching your favorite football team win. The weather outside is terrible.

It is the middle of the night. You wake up. You go to the bathroom. You lie back down, but you can’t get to sleep.

You’re getting ready for a date. Your date calls, and he/she has to cancel, because they have a nasty case of food poisoning.

You’re sitting in front of your television. You’re not paying attention. Suddenly you hear the sound coming from the TV: “WHEEL… OF… FORTUNE!!!”

What do these scenarios have in common? In all of these cases, you reach for your remote, and start looking for “Law and Order” reruns. The problem is, you can’t find them. You search them all – NBC, TNT, TBS, Bravo, USA, who-knows-where-else. But it isn’t not on NOW… but in an hour… there it is. No, I wouldn’t rather watch “Larry King Live.” Or C-Span (or C-Span 2).

I think it is time for a “Law and Order” channel. No Muss. No Fuss. One click, and it’s All Lennie Briscoe, All The Time.

We’d all sleep better.